21 weeks and 2.5 years

I have meant to track a few things from this pregnancy, but am going to allow myself to make it short and sweet.

I have been feeling baby boy moving since 15 weeks, which is when I started feeling Grayer move too. I felt the first kicks from the outside at 17 weeks and Justin felt him at 19 weeks. So sweet to feel all his movements. He is pretty active, but not crazy... Yet! It's so nice not to have to use the Doppler to know he's doing ok in there.

I am craving sweets galore! I craved chocolate milkshakes with Grayer, but this pregnancy hasn't been as specific, just any ol sugar loaded item will do at this point. I am drinking more milk and eating lots of bananas and strawberries. I can also easily drink 3 or 4 cups of coffee every morning, if I let myself, so thankfully I just like the taste of coffee and drink straight decaf or this babe would be in trouble :)

They aren't joking when they say you get bigger quicker with the second pregnancy. I feel like I am the size I was on our babymoon with Grayer (28 weeks) now at 21 weeks. It's crazy to think I still have 19 weeks of growing to do, but I know it will be worth it!

No morning sickness at all, no heart burn so far and thankfully some of the insomnia has lifted as well. Maybe a little bit of swelling by the end of the day, but not bad. My sweet, sweet hubby still gives me loads of foot massages which helps :)

I am not enjoying the side sleeping at all, and just purchased two new pillows...which brings me to a hefty total of 5 hehehe! Poor Justin.



Grayer- you just celebrated a half birthday and are now officially 2.5! Here are a few things you are up to these days:

You all of the sudden love to sing. You used to shush me almost every time I would try to sing to you (other than at bedtime, ha!) and tell me "mommy, I don't like that song" no matter the tune, but now you enjoy lots of songs. Your faves to sing are Twinkle, Twinkle, Jesus Loves Me, The Wheels on the Bus, Old McDonald, and No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.

You got your first ear infection this week, so sad :( you still say your ears don't hurt, but I can't imagine that's true. You are taking some meds now and we are hoping it clears up quickly because its been a rough few days (and nights).

You love to have tackle time with your daddy every night. As soon as he walks in the door you bombard him with tackle time requests. It's so fun to see you guys playing and wrestling together, I know it's both of your favorite time of the day. It does get pretty loud and crazy though, so this momma is wondering what it will be like with another little dude soon!

You are going through a picky eater phase... And by that I mean you are a TERRIBLE eater these days. You won't eat anything... Literally. All of your usual faves sit on your plate and go to waste, meal after meal. You take a bite of something and immediately spit it out. Not sure what we will do of this keeps up, except pray :)

You are a chatter box and talk constantly. When we are in the car, it's non-stop talking about the school and dart buses, the dirt diggers, bulldozers and the "little men" (??) that drive them, as well as what I need to do when the light turns a certain color (yes, you have become my little backseat driver!).

Daddy moved you to your toddler bed while I was in Lindale on a girls trip, and though I did have a tearful breakdown upon arriving home, you have totally rocked this new transition. You never ever get out of bed and call for me after nap and bedtime to come and get you. I think you really like being such a big boy. Potty training...now that's another post... : /

These are just a few things that make you so unique and so fun to be around. We love you sweets!

Baby kicks

Wow. That pretty much sums it up. Nothing can prepare you for the first time you feel your baby kicking from the outside. Yes, I have felt this before, and I would have sworn it would have felt the same, maybe even a little repetitive, but whoa, was I wrong. Feeling THIS baby gently kicking the hand that is laying on my tummy is the most emotional, magical feeling I think I've ever felt. That's not at all to say that it wasn't just as emotional and magical with Grayer, because it most definitely was, but it's so insanely beautiful the love that God gives us for each precious baby, and how it just seems to appear, even when the pregnancy feels so strangely similar to last time. I can't stop the joyful tears from flowing as I feel this sweet baby moving. It really just takes my breath away.

17 weeks, 2 days

Happy Valentine's Day!!

...a few days late :)

So... We're having a baby!!!

Yes, it's true, there is another itty bitty on the way! We couldn't be more excited to meet this new addition. We found out on Thanksgiving that I was pregnant! Just like the last time, when I was pregnant with Grayer (since thankfully the first time trying worked again), I knew the exact day I could test to see if I was indeed pregnant, and I couldn't sleep the night before wondering if I was or not. I woke up around 6:30 and snuck into the bathroom, trying to be extra quiet so Justin wouldn't suspect what I was doing (He on the other hand has never known when I will be testing, so it's a fun surprise). I peed on the stick, set it on the tub ledge and went to get some juice. When I went back it to check, it was the FAINTEST pink line you can imagine (it was 6 days early!), like you had to turn it a certain way to see the line. But pink is pink is pink. So, I crawled back into bed without a word, giddy as a school girl. I knew how I wanted to tell J, so I was mum for a bit. We had Thanksgiving plans with our families, so we had to get up and get moving pretty quickly. Justin hopped into the shower, and I jumped into action. I got a big green bow, and wrapped it around the pregnancy test, taped it to the mirror in the bathroom and wrote a note on the mirror that said Daddy X's 2! The mirror was steamed up, but it didn't take long for him to see it. He was very surprised and so excited! Since the line was so faint, he wasn't quite sure it was right, but pink is pink is pink. I was pregnant!!!

But soon our excitement turned into fear. At 5 weeks, I started spotting and went to see the doctor. They saw a fetal pole and heartbeat, but it was lower than they wanted it to be. Said it could have been low because it was so early in the pregnancy, but I got blood work done and made an appointment for the next week. Blood work came back great but a day before my next appointment, I started bleeding again. Had a sono that showed the baby looking great (great heart rate!) but they found a subchorionic hemorrhage. This is a blood clot inbetween the placenta and the uterine wall, and causes bleeding, higher risk of miscarriage and can cause other serious complications later in the pregnancy. I was put on pelvic rest and was on modified bedrest for multiple days during the first trimester. I had another pretty big bleed at 11 weeks, and my doctor wanted me to see a high risk perinatologist at 13 weeks. The appointment went really well, and the doctor was not concerned with the clot and didn't think it should cause any more problems as it was beginning to shrink. I am now 14.4 weeks preggo and haven't any more issues (praise!!!) so we are hopeful all that is behind us. The Lord has been so gracious and comforting to us during this difficult time.

There are many, many negatives to pelvic rest, but not being able to lift my sweet little was ABSOLUTE TOTRURE for both of us. There were many times he would ask to be held, and I would sit in a heap on the floor just loving on my baby while he whined or cried, holding back tears because we were both upset that it just wasn't the same. And it wasn't the same. But we made it through and are stronger because of it. I've been given the clear to ease back into things, and I am able to hold him when I want, for now at least, so I do, all the time.

And last but certainly not least, we found out at 12 weeks and confirmed at 13 weeks that we are having another precious baby BOY!! We are so excited and can't wait to give Grayer a little brother! I can't imagine my life without sisters, and am so thankful that Grayer will get to experience the bond of a brother :)

Nap-time is the new play-time

I knew it was coming, and I've tried to be brave, but its a shock to the system none the less. For the last two weeks, Gray has been doing everything but sleeping for the first hour of his nap time. He talks, he sings, he jumps, he reads, anything to avoid sleep. He's super happy, without a care in the world, so I let him play (until I don't!). Since this baby in my tummy has made me so much more tired during the day than I ever remember with Grayer (more on that later), I've been taking a nap when G does most days, so this hour long play date Grayer has been having with his imaginary friends has been a bit exhausting. But there are two positives to this story.
The first being, he still takes a nap...always! Once he finally stops jumping on his trampoline aka his bed, and drifts to sleep, he is still sleeping usually around two hours, so really, what's an extra hour of "quiet" time? :)
The second is being able to see my babe from a completely different angle. I still use a video monitor during nap time, so I can clearly hear everything he is saying during this time. His imagination is running wild, and I love it!  Sometimes he's running from a wild animal, bouncing from one end of his crib to the other, all the while squealing "polar bear, polar bear, polar bear!!!", sometimes he's reenacting a book and singing "no monkeys jumping on bed", and sometimes he's putting his pet frog on his back, swinging him around yelling "weeeeeeeee, let's go, let's go!". Whatever it is, it's entertaining and amusing to both of us :)

But... Here's to hoping this is not the start to no more naps. At 2 years old, and a itty bitty on the way, this momma isn't near ready for that!

27 Months

Grayer, here is what you are up to at 27 months.

You talk non-stop. There are almost no silent moments in our day, and most of the time we wouldn't want it any other way (except maybe at the dinner table when your dad and I are trying to catch up on the day, ha!). You say really funny things like "I want to run around naked mama!" or "that poo poo is stinky" when you're getting a diaper change... Ah potty training, yep, that's another post.

You do these funny little rituals that just melt my heart and make me so thankful I'm "da-mama" (yes, thats what you often call me). After bath every night, you want me to wrap you up in your hoodie towel, craddle you in my arms and talk to you like a baby, while you fake cry... Seriously hilarious and no idea how it started! You also request to be wrapped up in your three blankets like a mummy before bed every night. So silly!

You haven't reached the "watch me" phase yet, but you are definitely in the "come with me" phase. You are always asking for me or your dad to "come this way", but are thankfully getting into a really good habit of playing independently in your room for awhile. Still, you reaching for my hand and asking me to come with you is so sweet.

You still love to be read to, but usually only before bed. You are starting to memorize some of your favorite books like "Are you my mother?" and your opposites book and its precious to hear you reading them to yourself.

You are always talking and asking about your grandparents, Elle and recently your uncle Noah. You know where the Stavlo's street is, and if we drive by without turning down it, you ask about Elle and
Noah's house, and ask if we can go play.

Well nugget, these are just a few of the things that you are doing these days.

I love you!

The f word

Fear of the unknown. It's a fear that wants to swallow you whole if you will let it. And while there have been moments, minutes, hours in the last few weeks that I have allowed this fear to consume me, I am ever prayerful that I will not allow the deep rooted black seed to take hold of my heart. Sometimes there are scary, but thrilling times where fear of the unknown comes into play, like when your parents drop you off at college, or your start a new job, but this isn't one of those times. 

This feels like the fear is paralizing. This feels like walking on egg shells. This feels like it would be my fault. This feels like waiting for the end but praying it never comes.

Today I am thankful that our hope is not in this world. I am thankful for encouraging words. I am thankful for love shown through selfless acts of kindness. I am thankful for whispered prayers. I am thankful for grace.