"On the night you were born" (our favorite bedtime story)

I was 36 weeks and 4 days. We had gone to a pool birthday party on Saturday afternoon, and the water and sun really wore me out. I remember feeling unusually tired on the drive home, and telling Justin  that I hoped this was not how I was going to feel for the rest of the pregnancy... little did I know. When we got home I laid down for my usual afternoon nap while Grayer was sleeping and when I woke up I felt back to normal. The rest of the day went on without incident, and as Justin and I were getting into bed I told him that I really hoped that when it was time to have this baby that my water would break just like it had with Grayer so that I would just know it was time to head to the hospital. I worried that if contractions started without my water breaking that I would have no idea when it was really time to head in. We climbed into bed and lazily talked about how excited we were to be adding another sweet little boy to our family. We kissed goodnight and went to sleep. At 4:15am, I turned over and woke to my water breaking. It was a small gush, *exactly* like it had been with Grayer, and just like the first time I thought to myself, did my water just break? Yes, it definitely just broke. I wanted to see if contractions would start, as I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks. I got up, went into the kitchen and poured myself some juice. The first contraction hit. It wasn't terribly painful, but it felt totally different than the BH's contractions. I was giddy knowing that this was it!! I climbed back into bed as another contraction hit, so I decided to start timing them with my iPhone. I timed them for about 30 minutes and they were already hitting every 5-6 minutes. Yikes! At 4:50 I decided it was probably time to wake Justin up. He of course was shocked and totally caught totally off guard. We got up, and made the calls to our parents and to Chrissa, who I told that my water had broken, but that we weren't in a rush and I would call her back in a bit. I called my Dr at 5:10 and when i told her my contractions were 5 mins apart, she said that we should head to the hospital. By this time, the contractions were getting increasingly painful, and Justin's parents were still 20 minutes away, so we decided to call Chrissa back to have her come stay with Grayer while we went to the hospital. 10 minutes later I had to hold on to the back of the couch while a contraction hit before walking out to get into the car. The pain was starting to get real, quick. The bumps in the road on the way to the hospital were awful, and I couldn't believe how much pain I was already in. When we walked into the hospital about 5:45, I couldn't even stand at the check in desk with Justin because the pain was so intense. I slowly walked to the family waiting room and sat down, gripping my belly and trying not to make any embarrassing noises, as there was a a older gentleman sipping on coffee a few seats down. It was no use, I was in. pain. A couple minutes later it was our turn to get check in, and the nurse thankfully did it really quickly, as she could tell that I was really uncomfortable. She had another nurse bring a wheelchair so that I wouldn't have to walk back to the room. They started talking triage since I was only 36 weeks, but when we told them that I had been at 3 cm's 4 days before they decided to take me directly to a room. As they were rolling me back to L&D, I was already asking when I could get my epidural. I was in sooooo much pain. They were light hearted and chatting, probably rolling their eyes at each other, thinking oh, this crazy lady. They gave me the dreaded hospital gown to change into. A nurse came back in to check me, and her eyes widened and she said "oh honey, you ARE in pain, you're at an 8!" Ahh!! Finally, confirmation I wasn't just being a baby, but oh.my.gosh.i.can.not.do.this.any.longer. can I please get my epidural now?? I think it was at this point that all the staff knew I wasn't going to have time for one, but I was still thinking there is NO POSSIBLE WAY I can do this without drugs. I had never in my life experienced pain like this. Little did I know (oh but I did) it was going to get much worse. And it did. At this point there was a little panic in the room, and instead of the one nurse delivery nurse like there was with Grayer, there were 3 nurses all rushing around, prepping for delivery. There was no relief, the contractions were incredibly intense and hitting back to back. I was still begging for an epidural, pleading for something, anything to take the pain away. They told me at this point the anisteologist was with another patient but that I was next, knowing full well, he would never make it to me. This baby was coming NOW. They were introducing the on call delivery doctor, as I was yelling I need to push!!! I have heard people say this before, feeling the absolute need to push, but had never experienced it. The feeling is overwhelming. The pain was incredible, but I vividly remember thinking, I can't believe the on call doctor, not my doctor, was going to deliver my baby. And without drug no less. At this instant, in rushed my doctor, Dr. Kavitha Blewett, who was very quickly changing into scrubs! She made it! I of course begged her to get me an epidural, but she kept saying over and over, you can do this, you can do this. I started to push and the pain was mind numbing. I couldn't even open my eyes. I kept thinking in my head, this can't be happening. I am in so much pain. But it was. And 10 minutes and 4 big pushes later, our miracle baby, the one that everyone had been fervently praying for since my initial bleed at 5 weeks, was out and placed in my arms. You were so tiny!!! You were beautiful and just so perfect!! I had never been more in love. The pain of it all was immediately gone. You were here!! I soaked in every breath and every last cry. You were finally with us and it was all just so incredibly magical. I will never forget the experience, and wouldn't change any of it. I love you so, so, so much. Xoxo momma.

To my littlest love: part 2

To my littlest love:

21 weeks and 2.5 years

I have meant to track a few things from this pregnancy, but am going to allow myself to make it short and sweet.

I have been feeling baby boy moving since 15 weeks, which is when I started feeling Grayer move too. I felt the first kicks from the outside at 17 weeks and Justin felt him at 19 weeks. So sweet to feel all his movements. He is pretty active, but not crazy... Yet! It's so nice not to have to use the Doppler to know he's doing ok in there.

I am craving sweets galore! I craved chocolate milkshakes with Grayer, but this pregnancy hasn't been as specific, just any ol sugar loaded item will do at this point. I am drinking more milk and eating lots of bananas and strawberries. I can also easily drink 3 or 4 cups of coffee every morning, if I let myself, so thankfully I just like the taste of coffee and drink straight decaf or this babe would be in trouble :)

They aren't joking when they say you get bigger quicker with the second pregnancy. I feel like I am the size I was on our babymoon with Grayer (28 weeks) now at 21 weeks. It's crazy to think I still have 19 weeks of growing to do, but I know it will be worth it!

No morning sickness at all, no heart burn so far and thankfully some of the insomnia has lifted as well. Maybe a little bit of swelling by the end of the day, but not bad. My sweet, sweet hubby still gives me loads of foot massages which helps :)

I am not enjoying the side sleeping at all, and just purchased two new pillows...which brings me to a hefty total of 5 hehehe! Poor Justin.



Grayer- you just celebrated a half birthday and are now officially 2.5! Here are a few things you are up to these days:

You all of the sudden love to sing. You used to shush me almost every time I would try to sing to you (other than at bedtime, ha!) and tell me "mommy, I don't like that song" no matter the tune, but now you enjoy lots of songs. Your faves to sing are Twinkle, Twinkle, Jesus Loves Me, The Wheels on the Bus, Old McDonald, and No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.

You got your first ear infection this week, so sad :( you still say your ears don't hurt, but I can't imagine that's true. You are taking some meds now and we are hoping it clears up quickly because its been a rough few days (and nights).

You love to have tackle time with your daddy every night. As soon as he walks in the door you bombard him with tackle time requests. It's so fun to see you guys playing and wrestling together, I know it's both of your favorite time of the day. It does get pretty loud and crazy though, so this momma is wondering what it will be like with another little dude soon!

You are going through a picky eater phase... And by that I mean you are a TERRIBLE eater these days. You won't eat anything... Literally. All of your usual faves sit on your plate and go to waste, meal after meal. You take a bite of something and immediately spit it out. Not sure what we will do of this keeps up, except pray :)

You are a chatter box and talk constantly. When we are in the car, it's non-stop talking about the school and dart buses, the dirt diggers, bulldozers and the "little men" (??) that drive them, as well as what I need to do when the light turns a certain color (yes, you have become my little backseat driver!).

Daddy moved you to your toddler bed while I was in Lindale on a girls trip, and though I did have a tearful breakdown upon arriving home, you have totally rocked this new transition. You never ever get out of bed and call for me after nap and bedtime to come and get you. I think you really like being such a big boy. Potty training...now that's another post... : /

These are just a few things that make you so unique and so fun to be around. We love you sweets!

Baby kicks

Wow. That pretty much sums it up. Nothing can prepare you for the first time you feel your baby kicking from the outside. Yes, I have felt this before, and I would have sworn it would have felt the same, maybe even a little repetitive, but whoa, was I wrong. Feeling THIS baby gently kicking the hand that is laying on my tummy is the most emotional, magical feeling I think I've ever felt. That's not at all to say that it wasn't just as emotional and magical with Grayer, because it most definitely was, but it's so insanely beautiful the love that God gives us for each precious baby, and how it just seems to appear, even when the pregnancy feels so strangely similar to last time. I can't stop the joyful tears from flowing as I feel this sweet baby moving. It really just takes my breath away.

17 weeks, 2 days

Happy Valentine's Day!!

...a few days late :)

So... We're having a baby!!!

Yes, it's true, there is another itty bitty on the way! We couldn't be more excited to meet this new addition. We found out on Thanksgiving that I was pregnant! Just like the last time, when I was pregnant with Grayer (since thankfully the first time trying worked again), I knew the exact day I could test to see if I was indeed pregnant, and I couldn't sleep the night before wondering if I was or not. I woke up around 6:30 and snuck into the bathroom, trying to be extra quiet so Justin wouldn't suspect what I was doing (He on the other hand has never known when I will be testing, so it's a fun surprise). I peed on the stick, set it on the tub ledge and went to get some juice. When I went back it to check, it was the FAINTEST pink line you can imagine (it was 6 days early!), like you had to turn it a certain way to see the line. But pink is pink is pink. So, I crawled back into bed without a word, giddy as a school girl. I knew how I wanted to tell J, so I was mum for a bit. We had Thanksgiving plans with our families, so we had to get up and get moving pretty quickly. Justin hopped into the shower, and I jumped into action. I got a big green bow, and wrapped it around the pregnancy test, taped it to the mirror in the bathroom and wrote a note on the mirror that said Daddy X's 2! The mirror was steamed up, but it didn't take long for him to see it. He was very surprised and so excited! Since the line was so faint, he wasn't quite sure it was right, but pink is pink is pink. I was pregnant!!!

But soon our excitement turned into fear. At 5 weeks, I started spotting and went to see the doctor. They saw a fetal pole and heartbeat, but it was lower than they wanted it to be. Said it could have been low because it was so early in the pregnancy, but I got blood work done and made an appointment for the next week. Blood work came back great but a day before my next appointment, I started bleeding again. Had a sono that showed the baby looking great (great heart rate!) but they found a subchorionic hemorrhage. This is a blood clot inbetween the placenta and the uterine wall, and causes bleeding, higher risk of miscarriage and can cause other serious complications later in the pregnancy. I was put on pelvic rest and was on modified bedrest for multiple days during the first trimester. I had another pretty big bleed at 11 weeks, and my doctor wanted me to see a high risk perinatologist at 13 weeks. The appointment went really well, and the doctor was not concerned with the clot and didn't think it should cause any more problems as it was beginning to shrink. I am now 14.4 weeks preggo and haven't any more issues (praise!!!) so we are hopeful all that is behind us. The Lord has been so gracious and comforting to us during this difficult time.

There are many, many negatives to pelvic rest, but not being able to lift my sweet little was ABSOLUTE TOTRURE for both of us. There were many times he would ask to be held, and I would sit in a heap on the floor just loving on my baby while he whined or cried, holding back tears because we were both upset that it just wasn't the same. And it wasn't the same. But we made it through and are stronger because of it. I've been given the clear to ease back into things, and I am able to hold him when I want, for now at least, so I do, all the time.

And last but certainly not least, we found out at 12 weeks and confirmed at 13 weeks that we are having another precious baby BOY!! We are so excited and can't wait to give Grayer a little brother! I can't imagine my life without sisters, and am so thankful that Grayer will get to experience the bond of a brother :)